After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize