Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How's work?
Spinning.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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