WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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