found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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