I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize