why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
