It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
