anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
