Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
