was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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