So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize