i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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