Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
