she woke up with a sticky ear
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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