listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize