I can't breathe out the right side of my face
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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