The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
