mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
