Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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