I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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