We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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