Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
