Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
