oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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