So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
