My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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