Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
