It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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