Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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