matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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