Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
