he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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