when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize