the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
