Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
