Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
