new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize