as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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