just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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