I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
