When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
