i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Did you pee in the oven last night??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
