Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
