And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
