I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
