I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
