you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
