Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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