so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
