his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
