She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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