i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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