I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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