She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
