you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
