You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
