ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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