Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Holy shit dude........stairs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
