The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
