i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
