I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
