y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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