I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
