i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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