some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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