her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
