I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
