Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
