She said her name was "party"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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