im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
