You're my little dorito
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
