remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Send help, water and tortillas.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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